It's a Big Ol' Lie!
Popular belief is that the ideal, essential human self is one of self-reliance, standing tall, and fully independent. Sucking up during tough times while putting on one’s big girl/boy panties is essential to just carrying on. Society says, “Be a winner, be a standout, be in it to win it.” We are celebrated for being the extroverted, self-confident, winningest cat on the block. Being the big dog, the big cheese, the greatest self-made man/woman is celebrated as the goal. However, based on the True (yes with a capital T) human condition and needs, this is entirely fake news and in fact, it’s a big fat lie.
Research shows us again and again that we are hard wired to be connected, to be neighborly, to be kind and dare I say it, to love one another. Connected is what we must be from birth. Studies have shown that infants who are not touched or held from birth become developmentally delayed and exhibit numerous social and psychological issues as they grow into adulthood. We MUST be a part of a kindred or connected group of others of our species else we wither on the vine. Yes, society tells us to stand tall and alone on the top of the success heap but at the end of the day, we need each other to survive and thrive.
During current world events we are being separated, socially and physically. Travel is limited, group events are cancelled, meetings are rescheduled, and we can be left with a feeling of anxiety and isolation. Even that bastion of connectedness, churches, are being asked to limiting services and meetings. For those who worship at the secular temple of the coffee shop, gathering is being curtailed while allowing only take out service. Our connections are being snipped away day by day and we are left feeling disconnected, anxious and out of sorts. We are not able to interact in a way that is an essential life-giving tonic.
Communicating virtually is a help. Emails, texts, Facebook and Instagram posts are communications, but it is important to check our feelings we are left with following interactions. Do these activities give us the warm and fuzzies that we need in order to cement the belief that we are ONE with our brothers and sisters? With electronic communication, there are no handshakes, no hugs, no touches, no heartfelt conversations that we able to experience face to face. Likewise, working from home when we are used to 40 hours of one on one interactions can be isolating. Individuals of all generations and life experiences are struggling to maintain connection.
What can we do during anxious times especially when we are feeling isolated or disconnected? Although we all do our best to follow guidelines which keep us healthy and safe such as not congregating in large groups, social distancing (which sadly equates to emotional distancing), hand washing and stepped up cleaning, we can look for additional ways to maintain connection. In the past few days, I have spent and increased amount of time on the telephone-much more than I have since email/texting became a way of life. Sharing with others how we are feeling and asking for support, assistance, prayers, errands, etc. seems to alleviate feelings of isolation.
So, although we cannot literally follow the old 1987 AT&T marketing directive of “reach out and touch someone” we can reach out and give a phone call of support, encouragement, or offer of assistance. Zoom and Skype calls help also. Any opportunity for a virtual meeting should be grabbed. For each meeting and planned event that is cancelled, I am making several phone calls to friends or family. I will continue to participate in several group chats where we check in on each other daily.
Church groups, business meetings, neighborhood chat rooms and social groups can be maintained in different ways. We just need to get creative. Remember we are not islands working best in solo mode. No matter how introverted, how independent, how self-sufficient we might believe we are, we cannot survive and thrive without meaningful connections with others.